For Ethel
Clifton
There are those who would say this is
too personal and too private to share
with the world. But, I must
write it. It is too precious to hoard.
If it were up to me to pass out
trophies, my mother would be a
Champion!
The last night of her life, mother
didn’t want me to leave (as with every
other night since she had entered the
rest home). But, I went, again,
with the automatic promise of
returning.
The next day, at noon, I came to feed
her lunch. When I entered the
room, it was a different look I got
from her. She scrutinized me as
if in a microscope. Every hair
was examined, every pore of my face.
In an instant, she had it done and I
felt it very profoundly. A smile
spread across her face and her crystal
blue eyes were shining!
"Oh, honey! You look just like
my little girl!"
"Well, I hope so, mother. I am
your little girl."
She clapped her hands together like a
child at first sight of the carnival.
She held them there, smiling all the
while. "You are? Oh, I’m
so glad!"
I began getting things ready to feed
her. But, feeling those eyes, I
turned to her. She was as
earnest as a lover, looking directly
into my eyes, "If you only knew what
you mean to me! I love you!"
"I love you too, mother, and if you
love me, you’d better take a little
bite."
She tried, but only about 3 bites and
a swallow or two of the chocolate
shake they had brought. She told
me she was full, and sick at her
stomach. Her digestive system
had been upset the day before.
But, I was expecting it to be better
today.
She started to be sick at her stomach
and I took a lot of phlegm from her.
The medical nurse came in with a light
nerve medicine.
I walked to the nurse's station and
told them she was still sick to her
stomach and wondered if they wanted to
give her something for a sick stomach.
I walked back to her room and told her
I was going to check on my husband,
who had just received a pace maker/defibralator
(placed in his chest 4 days before).
She smiled, again. I told her to
rest a little so she could eat some
supper.
Then, I left, came home, fed my
husband, and began the errands that
had been delayed because of his
surgery. There were bills to
pay, a few groceries to pick up.
I got home, went to put the water on
the yard, and was just connecting a
sprinkler to the hose when my
recovering husband called from the
back door, "The manor wants you to
call." It was nearly time to go
feed her supper. But, I laid
down the hose and ran in to the
telephone.
Then, I heard the words that stunned
me, "She’s gone ..."
"No ... you don’t mean ... I’ll be
right there."
Running out of the room crying, I went
straight to the car... "She’s gone,
she’s gone! ..." I never
expected to keep her forever.
But, I had a different idea of how it
would be.
My father had died 8 ½ years earlier
and she had developed Alzheimer’s
Disease, the most cruel enemy of a
human mind. She had fallen
several times in the last few weeks.
But, even though her Osteoporosis was
measured off the chart, nothing had
broken. I had envisioned that
was how the end would come; a broken
bone, a hospital stay, pneumonia.
But, this was so sudden! The
noon time had been so sweet! If
ever I saw blue eyes sparkle, this was
the time!
They had the door closed. I
pushed it open and entered. She
lay on the bed, with clear blue eyes
looking as if they could still see me.
I just ran to her and took her face in
my hands, "Oh, you darling mother!
You sweet, sweet, mother! You
are so precious! I should have
come back sooner!
I love you, you, precious, dear lady!"
I had to cry a little longer. My son
arrived, a medical technician. He
reached over and, very gently, closed
the blue eyes. I knew I would
never seen them again, on this earth.
I just fell to pieces.
Somehow, I managed to call my sister.
Somehow, I called the mortician.
Somehow, I took care of the mirage of
little things that must be done.
During all this time, I couldn’t keep
from remembering the last hour we had
together. What a blessing she
gave me! And, I knew, too, that
I would always see those beautiful
eyes. I really couldn’t ever
forget them or the beautiful words ...
or the wonderful examination of my
face.
I thought of all the times she had
been brave in a way I have never had
to encounter; trying to still be
"friendly", like she had been her
whole life, when all the words are
taken away and you can’t recall the
simplest things or the simplest past
times ... even trying to assist a
fallen room mate, forgetting that you
can’t stand alone. Faking it so
you cover you disease, as if it were
disgraceful. What a heroine you
were!
It won’t be long, just over the hill,
we’ll have our reunion day. I
already know.
What she will say? I already see
the sparkle. I really do
understand, now, how faith in Jesus
pays off. When the test is
there, He really comes through. I
praise Him for the merciful way it
happened and for the faith He built up
in my heart through the years.
Her room mate told me mother had
gotten sick to her stomach. So,
she called for the nurse. Mother
was in her wheelchair and, when the
nurse was delayed, her room mate
decided to go find a nurse. But,
mother followed in her chair, by her
own power.
When they reached the lobby, mother
became sick, again. The nurse
noticed and quickly took her to her
room. By the time they got
mother laid down, she was gone ...that
quickly. Before I could be
called or drive the 6 blocks, mother
was already in Heaven. She was
already surrounded by loved ones that
she had been asking for, for years!
Those dazzling beautiful blue eyes
were already beholding the face of our
Savior!
© 2003 by Joan Clifton Costner
http://underhiswings0.tripod.com
Mother was 89 ½ years old. She
died at 4 P.M., July 7, 2003.
Her funeral was held on a Thursday
and, to me, it was the most beautiful
ever. We laid a beautiful Child
of God to rest who, now, can remember
her Savior's name!
Mother
How can I tell you, Mother,
Of the love that I hold for you;
For devotion that you gave so freely,
And love that has always been true?
Through the tender and innocent
childhood,
Though the trials and tests seemed so
long,
You were there through the sunshine
and shadows
Lifting up or rejoicing in song.
When the darkness came down like a
torrent,
There was hope shining still in your
eyes;
When I came across some small honor
Your joy made it seem your own prize.
If the Lord set before me a legion
Of wonderful mothers to choose,
My eyes would search frantically
through them,
For Mother, my choice would be you!
If you reach God's Heaven before me
Watch close for it will not be long
Till you'll see me walking that
pathway
And singing your favorite old song.
My Hope is still in your Savior,
My Guide is the same that led you...
Eternity...faith! I believe it!
Will find me in Heaven with you!
© 2003 by Joan Clifton Costner
http://underhiswings0.tripod.com
